Should Christians Date a non-christian? The better question to ask is what does GOD say about being in an intimate and mutually influential and supportive relationship with someone who does not love Jesus Christ as God. In this article we will address God’s decrees and Will for dating, What happens to believers who date nonbelievers, and 4 Godly Dating Tips.
To answer this question we need to understand a couple things about ourselves first. (1) Is our heart open to accepting what God says over our own wants and desires? (2) Do we understand that the culture and “the world” do not think like God thus the advice and support will not point us to a Godly relationship? These two thing we need to understand address OUR HEART and THE HEARTS around us to help us see more clear. The third critical thing to understand is (3) Do you accept The Bible to be God’s Word? Without accepting and understanding these 3 things; we are vulnerable to being deceived and blinded if we are not already.
(1) Is our heart open to accepting what God says over our own wants and desires?
Who knows more? Who is perfectly right? Who never makes mistakes? Who’s desires are perfectly Holy? We can go on and on but at this point if you are not answering “God is” to all those questions than you may be deceived like Eve into thinking you are “like God”. Do you accept that you do not know more than God? not more right than God? Not holy like God? Do you accept that that God has better plans than you do and knows what you need better than you do?
Jesus just lays it out and makes it clear as day: Luke 9:23 “Then He said to them all, “If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me.”
(2). Do we understand that the culture and “the world” do not think like God
thus the advice and support will not point us to a Godly relationship?
When it comes to “following your heart” and “doing you” it sounds good but that concept is not something that you do uniquely from everyone else but following your heart and doing you is actually following everything else in the world.
Romans 1:32 “and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice
such things (sin) are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also
give hearty approval to those who practice them.“
This is a way the sinful culture and world pacifies you and keeps you quiet about what God has declared. You may even agree to it just so you try and justify your silence in the face of the worlds sin. But by doing so, you are in agreement with the world.
John 3:19-20 “This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men
loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.”
So in light of question 1 and 2, Do you deny yourself and reject the world’s view of dating? That is what this is coming to. Are you willing to accept what God wants when it comes to dating? Untangle your self from the world (2 Peter 2:20) and free yourself to view dating through God’s eyes.
Understanding From God’s Decrees:
2 Timothy 2:22 begins to draw the line and make a distinction.
“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and
peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
“FLEE” from selfish immature passions and “PURSUE… those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” You can NOT have a pure heart and pursue righteousness, faith, TRUE LOVE, and peace UNLESS you call on the Lord. THEREFORE: If anyone does NOT call on the Lord, they should not be pursued.
2 Corinthians 6:14 is a clear as day decree that clarifies the matter.
In its complete context (including the first letter to the same church and same people), The Holy Spirit, through Paul, first talks about all those who will not inherit the kingdom because of their unrepentant sinful lives in 1 Cor 6:9 and that his audience is people who “were” that way (unrepentant and living sinfully); but are no longer. Then in his 2nd letter He brings up what it means to be different and why both believers and unbelievers can not work together:
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God”
My question would be: Why are you okay with being intimate with someone who is unrepentant, lawless, dark, lost, and worships themselves or something other than God?
On top of being okay with them living offensive to God; Why are you okay with disobeying God (2 Cor 6:14) when He blatantly states “DO NOT BE unequally joked”?
The answer is simple yet uneasy to hear. Your youthful passions naturally draw us to these disobedient and corrupting relationships. “just follow your heart” is the best advice Satan ever gave. Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”
What WILL happen if you date an unbeliever?
1 Corinthians 15:33
“Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
The Holy Spirit PURPOSELY said this in that way. God did NOT say “Good morals influence bad company”. But because of the natural sin in all of us we are corrupted before we influence. And “bad company” is anyone who we hold close to us in an intimate relationship that does not have faith in Jesus Christ. Romans 3:10 “As the Scriptures say, “No one is righteous–not even one.“ You are not good, but God IN YOU IS. There is no God in an unbeliever.
People can claim to put God first as they date non believers but that is a hypocritical statement. If they were putting God first, they would be obedient to him and his decrees instead of putting their own selfish desires first to justify who they want to date.
Dating a nonbeliever WILL corrupt the Christian; why? Because God in his supreme knowledge said it will. Dating another Christian WILL glorify God and edify each-others faith.
What IS God’s Will for Dating Then?
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;”
God’s will is for you to find someone who encourages and supports your sanctification. Someone who encourages your pursuit of holiness and honor before The Lord God. This is impossible for someone to do if they do not even know or believe in Jesus Christ as Lord God. THUS: anyone who does not know and believe in Jesus Christ as Lord God they are not God’s Will for you but either your own will or another besides God.
Godly Dating Tips:
- Be UNASHAMED about your faith: Straight up ask if they believe in Jesus Christ as Lord God. Keep any mind that anyone can say yes. But if they say no than this should be an easy ‘friend zone’ and exit.
- Take things SLOW: see if the person actually lives a repentant God fearing life. Do basic dates in public or with friends and listen to what that person says and actually believes through simple conversations. At some point, the Gospel should come up. Invite them to your church and do ministry together.
- NEVER be alone. Any situation can become passionately intimate where ever you are at when you are alone together. Even Christans fall in sin; take pro-active measures to fight for each others faith and avoid situations that can lead to this.
- Remind your self constantly that the reason for dating in a Christian perspective is to find a suitable helper for the future of life. Casual dating and just dating around is a youthful passion of self satisfaction.
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